What Does Success Mean to You?
86
My Idea of Success
First, I'll describe some usual types of success I've seen in America, then some types of success I wish would go away, followed by my own ideas for success.
In America, success is often seen as winning some type of competition in a sporting event, a contest, a line of work - achieving the top of the ladder in a particular field of employment, winning the Lottery, retiring from work with enough money to travel the world, etc.
Unfortunately, in a society seemingly rife with violence, verbal and physical abuse, and other mental health issues, success for some individuals also means hurting someone else. The perpetrator sees this harm as "winning" in some sort of game or battle that is sometimes waged only in his or her own head.
Examples of what I consider unhealthy success can include the following:
One-Upsmanship - constantly outdoing ("one upping") someone else at school, at work, at home, anywhere. This used to be called "Keeping up with the Joneses" and meant having as nice as or better than, the neighbor's lawn, trees, dishes, aluminum siding, etc. A little of this can be fun, but now it's become much more vindictive and can lead to people shooting one another in order to take their Starter jackets and Nike shoes.
Stop Light Chicken - making sure you rev your engine and streak out ahead of everyone else at a traffic light when it turns green. In grocery stores, this take the form of people smashing into you with their loaded grocery carts in order to get ahead of you in the checkout line.
Discrimination - since discrimination stems from fear and lack of knowledge, it makes the perpetrator feel safe and "better" that the target group of the discrimination. It is success to the person exercising it, but it is truly unhealthy. This includes name calling toward, and laughing at, minority groups, or anyone that is "different."
Food Games - using credit cards to purchase and flaunt expensive foods to your roommates in order to make them feel poor. It doesn't matter if you have to declare bankruptcy - you made them feel bad and that's a win. Note: anyone who plays games with food, sex, or money should be avoided, in my opinion.
Control - provoking someone else into a reaction of some kind in order to prove you have power over them.
Bullying - bullies feel success and power when they harm others in this way. Bullying needs to be stopped at all levels, from pre-school to retirement home. The website Bully B'Ware is Canada is excellent for its work toward this elimination of bullyism.
Manipulation - saving all of your own money, telling friends you have no money, and then soliciting and accepting their donations to "pay the rent." On the other hand, manipulation could be pretending you don't know how to do something in order to get someone else to do it.
Isolation - controlling a significant other in such a way that he or she is not permitted to see family, friends, or even the mailman.
Children - among some urban areas, racing your friends to see how many children you can have, whether you support them or not.
"I can change him (her)" - this is staying with an abusive or addictive partner in the belief that your relationship or your love will change that person for the better. Staying no matter what can be an erosion of your mind and spirit.
Sex Games - this could be having a certain number of partners, teasing a certain target number of people without having sex with them (as a game), or something similar. I knew a woman that joined several dating clubs where the fees were pretty high so that she could turn down dates with men (she kept track of them). She thought that was a success, until one of the men turned her down - she was crushed and became very depressed.
"The American Dream" - a business of one's own or a good job, a house, two cars and a family. This is great if some good planning is put forth first. While the Dream be applicable in the 21st century, many more people are single and others do not want a house, but the upside is that we can create our own dreams. The thing to avoid is mortgage debt and credit card/other debt that is so high that it will destroy the Dream.
FaceBook and MySpace - the race to see how many "friends" you can gather. I just don't think many of these are really friends.
There are many other examples of things that some people consider successes that are really twisted and bizarre events. I hope you don't experience many of them.
Success for Me
I felt most successful when I was able to help two of my martial arts students discard their wheelchairs permanently.
Another time I felt success was in helping a young student avoid $60,000.00 worth of leg surgery with martial arts instruction and additional stretching.
Another of my students experienced a complete reversal of rheumatoid arthritis. Rather than dying in two years, she avoided a wheelchair and death and has led a productive and happy life since that time.
Another overcame his chronic injuries in Viet Nam and in construction work to complete his first black belt in Judo after several years. He never gave up. He volunteers his time in a domestic violence sanctuary to teach women and children self defense.
Several others of my students in martial arts, GED classes, and college prep courses increased school grades from F's to A's and B's and went on to graduate from college. These are nurses, teachers, doctors, real estate owners, artists, architects, and solders in the war with Iraq. Two of these students married and worked on a Navajo reservation, providing much-needed healthcare to the Native Americans there.
For me, success is seeing people overturn negative prognoses. It is also seeing people overcome the negative talk they may receive from those around them that want them to fail in order to feel better about themselves. Success is helping people avoid listening to lies that will keep them down, and doing this helps make America still a land of opportunity.
Ultimate success would be to see the end of all forms of abuse, an end to waste and an increase of good stewardship around the world; and for me, to live an often-examined life, continue to learn new information, meet new friends and enrich current relationships, and contribute to a better quality of life for us all.
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Thanks for those comments, IcarusInflight. Success and its definition and purpose is something I think individuals need to think about.
Paty, what a great article you have written. You successfully inspired me.
Thanks Raymondphillipe, I've joined your fan club.
Icarus, I've joined yours as well!
what a great multi-faceted answer. Usually people think in terms of finance when defining success, but this did not even come to mind to me.
Thanks for our comments glassvisage. I hope this Hub gives material for much though among readers. I'm glad you stopped by.
very well written. i hope i could also write the way you do on my future hubs. be my inspiration, as always...
Thank you mclaire. I am glad you enjoy my writing and hope it continues to interest you. Thanks very much for reading and commenting!
I like your successes Patty.
They are succeses of a mature soul IMO. But I bet you used to have successes of the other kind, too - those from the first part of this hub - when you were younger :)
Thanks, Misha!
Success is ongoing and I hope it becomes even more meaningful as I progress. My successes have not always been widely recognized, but are successes just the same, and I am still having successes of all types. Never will I be finished with them and age is irrellevant My grandmaster's grandmaster looked 40 years old when he was 96! :)
Thank you Patty for expanding my understanding of the term 'success'. However, I believe its also a thing of the mind...a far cry from financial attainments. Whatever creates a sense of fulfillment can be termed successful.
Thank you for the comments, soyelude. I look forward to reading your Hubs as well.
Paty, you offer some excellent information in this article. For me,
success is living in the NOW and loving your life today.
That is beautiful, CreataMind. Thanks for that thought.
HI, IM NEW IN THIS BUT...YOU ARE SAYING THE TRUE THING. MONEY IS NOT THE PINACLE OF LIFE. YOU ARE THE 1.
Thank you vor visiting MIL; Welcome to Hub Pages!
Hi Paty,
After reading your hub, I can conclude that your "success" means a satisfaction of being valued for others, encouraging/helping other to get a better life. It's a Super "success" meaning. Great Pat! Two thumbs up.
Anyway, I am wondering that martial art can help to recover injures or disabilities. Is it also a kind of therapy?
Then, for injured/disabled people, portable wheelchair(http://www.wheelchairschoice.com/portable-wheelcha which is lighter and speedy than the normal one perhaps is only a temporary helper, but the important thing is spirit to get the lives back.
Some types of martial arts and poortions of many of them can be used as therapy. I could not bend over at the waist (muscle injuries) when I began training and was cured in 9 months. One of my own students was remedied of joint and muscle disorders in two years. Anotehr ctudent was cured (comfirmed by her physician) of rheumatoid arthisits completely through my program and a change in diet.
Thanks for the link about the wheelchairs. Some people go through a series of different kinds before they discard the cahir compeltely and osme must always use a chair, but that's OK. These last folks can acomplish much that those who walk can often not.
Thanks again!
Great hub, a 5* from me. It was really great I got to go thru your hub. It is truly the correct definition of success. People who become "successful" and miss a successful life are those who love things and use people. Another lens that I found very informative was about WheelChairs. Today, <a href="http://www.wheelchairschoice.com/"> are coming in more compact and in lighter form for the people which provide them easier mean to get loaded or unloaded from it.
Great Hub Patty!!! We really need to look at what is "true" success in our society. I have been married to the same beautiful woman for 29 years. Through 3 children, 2 grandchildren, 11 dogs, 22 different homes that we have lived in and 2 failed businesses we are still together. I thank God that we are successful!! Thanks for sharing.
Amy -- Being in a wheelchair for nearly six months a few years back is something I will never forget, for it's difficulties. Thanks for the link.
retirementhelp - you really ARE successful! Thanks for letting us share the knowledge. It's a lift to the day.
Patty
Good hub , thank you.
Great Hub Patty! It really gets you to reflect on what matters most.
very important examples in life - the misconceptions about success.
WOW... that is fascinating... do you know of any places in western canada where they teach that type of martial arts???
I agree with you about your definition of success... how rewarding it must be to help so many people lives lives more free of pain and disability.... cudos on you
My idea of success is waking up with a smile on your face every morning. Also I want to comment on the "Stop Light Chicken," ----- I hate those guys.
A perfect start 4 my final exam.. I had the help i needed after readding.. keep it going..great job
Thanks so much for all the comments.
In Western Canada - Victoria BC - Sandalwood Martial Arts at a church called Cadboro Bay United Church. But call BC Taekwondo Association for more (in the phone book).
d k nyc - I hope you get an A++!
I love this hub. You said it like it is. I do so admire your success!
Thank you very much, lisadpreston.
The success is in your hands....If you don't stop aiming for success you cannot get it....Don't surrender easily if you have in doing it...You hare just tested if you have the strength to survive.
Very well done - love the food item! Wow! Great Hub!
Wow! I salute you,Patty Inglish! You are indeed SUCCESSFUL at all you do. Investing in people and motivating them to lead quality life makes you doubly successful. Truly inspirational, and worth emulating.
Nice words for you all, I must say!
Purple Perl - Thanks so much for saying this; it is encouraging. Everyone can do a good thing now and again and I hope they do so. :)
to be able to live well = success, for you and for others
Great hub,
I was thinking of my martial arts instructor as I read your hub. He is a wonderful instructor and friend. I really appreciate how you view success. Controling my emotions and becoming a better person are high on the top of my list, when I think of success.
I wish you well.
I love this! People can be so mean when they are basically insecure within themselves and this can create all kinds of childish games. It's too bad that the majority of people in our society have very mixed up priorities when it comes to thinking about what is "success..." Sad, really!
It all started with getting there as being successful, getting top grades, the best of this or that. I could never feel right with all that even as a child. Success to me is being happy because those around me are truly happy. I love helping people become the best they can be, best as a person, as a human being, one to another! This to me is being successful. This makes me smile. Your hub makes me smile :D thumbs up and I following you now! ~aloha nui~
Patty, this was a very beautifully written hub. I enjoyed it very much.
Great hub and voted up. My favourite quote is RW Emerson. "To find the best in others.... to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived, this is to have succeeded".
Thanks for all the comments! More than one person can be happy at a time, Amen?
Amen!
"What does success means to you?"
This is a wonderful, excelllent, and thought provoking hub, each word of which is essence of practical nature.
The author of the hub is clear in mind, bold in articulation, full of vision, and seems highly learned person.
Success means achieving the goal.The goal of human beings is to be achieved by their role. The difficulty arises when one finds difference of poles. The way seems smooth but when trodden upon one finds many holes. A thing that appeared a mountain when came close it appears a mole. Reason and intelligence serve the purpose of providing street light but the distance is beyond the beyond. The traveller is finite and the goal is infinite. Thanks the Creator of all who mad human beings responsible and test was cofined to the capacity of each and no more. Deviation to cost a single punishment and obedience to be rewarded minimum at tenfold. Forgiveness is another gift. Door of repentance has been kept open over past evil deeds.
It is not the quantity or volume of work done for the welfar of others, rather it is the quality even if it is of the quantum of a thread of dates dried seed. It is the sincerety, piety, and good morals that are counted in all this affair. Extending hand of help even if not reached causes solace and other person feels much satisfied and feels that there was some one to help him.
May God bless all.
I enjoyed your article so much that I linked one of my article to this one. Good jod
Hi Patty
Thought provoking... and sad to say many of the same criteria define the popular idea of "success" in the UK. Envy, greed, the notion nowadays that it's somehow "OK" to stamp all over someone else in order to get what YOU need. To me, all seems driven by fear and anxiety.
Insightful article, thanks.
Patty,
A great article with lots of valuable information. I am truly motivated with your message. A great hub.
Love you are a success!
Success is not success if its not permanent.
And you have left the hearts of many eternally grateful to God for meeting you and that is true success
@pstmighty - I am humbled by your sentiments!
Thanks everyone so much for your comments.
I admire you Patty! You have written 1450 hubs! For me, it is unimaginable number!
@Adam Wilson - Thanks for commenting! I've been here almost four years, but wrote only 20 or fewer, shorter Hubs my first month with HubPages and gradually worked into writing more frequently and more in-depth work on some topics.
It takes patience, organization, and determination, cetainly, and I think the willingness to improve writing skills and use all the new features that HP provides so frequently. Participation in the 30 Hubs in 30 Days Challenge helps spur you on to accomplish a writing goal, as well as do other programs around Hubpages. If you write one good Hub a day, they soon number many.
Best wishes to you!
Great Hub so inspiring Patty Inglish, MS!!!!
Patty, you are undeniably successful. Great hub! :)
Now if I could just make some money, cheerfulnuts! - Oh, that's right - I do - on HubPages :) Thanks for posting cheerful; I'll go check out your Hubs.
Success for me is when I get to help others, I love the feeling I get when I know I am helping someone in need.
Thanks for the hub & May God-Bless you in everything you do.
Great hub.This hub is very informative and useful.I could never feel right with all that even as a child. Success to me is being happy because those around me are truly happy.
Thanks a lot patty for this good sharing.
I long to write like you. Informative and constructed so professionally. I stand to learn from you.
If you can save someones life or make someone happy thats the greatest success.thank you very much.
Glad to hear you mention martial arts as a positive force , I personally am a muaythai practitioner and instructor and I personally define success as not having to go to a job that I do not like and have to do things I do not want to do......life is for living not something that happens whilst we are making other plans . Thanks Patty
Very inspiring Hub Patty! I particularly liked the list of 'unhealthy success', we have all had a few of these 'manipulators' in our lives at one time or another, and I have to agree that its not any way I choose to behave nor do I like to surround myself with such negative toxic types of behaviors. We could all take a few lessons away from this Hub !
A lot of commentors have offered ways they can attain positive success, and I appreciate them. Thanks!
PeanutButterWine - I also do not like to be surround with toxic behaviors.
Helping others and doing the job we enjoy are important, as several people have written here. I agree fully.
Happy Thanksgiving and Merry Christmas to all of you.
ah ... great hub ... composed of enlightenment ... now I wonder ... am a successful? .. hmmm ... something to think about ...
Great thought Patty. I associate success with faithfulness. Faithfulness to my values, my friends and family and ultimately to my Lord before whom I stand or fall. The judge of that faithfulness is not me but those to whom I strive to be faithful. Thanks for your writing.
That is a beautiful post!
Success is learning, maturing and growing at all levels of your life. This can not be measured by Earthly rewards but you our usually rewarded eventually by them.
I love your definition of success. This is a good reminder of what's really important in life. You have touched my heart with this hub. Thank you and blessings to you.
It is encouraging to feel that others take the same attitudes. We have Hope in that. Thanks!
great hub you pointed out which is more important in life....
![The American Dream: Criteria and Government Role [104a]](http://s4.hubimg.com/u/6122267_50.jpg "The American Dream: Criteria and Government Role [104a]")
IcarusInflight 4 years ago
The word 'SUCCESS' is a much abused term. You mentioned many abuses of this word revolving around possessions, power and toxic relationships.
To my mind SUCCESS centres aound how we deal with each other, treating others decently and respectively, having awareness of one's own abilities and limitations, attempting to do no harm to the world. Poverty or loads of money has nothing to do with.
The word 'SUCCESS' propagated in the media and modern culture is a 21st century illusion.
Some 'SUCCESSFUL' people out there, I would not let them look after my dog (if I had one) :-)