HubNugget Corps of Engineers

Good Content…The Final Frontier…

These are the voyages of the Good Ship Hubbertise. Its Mission: to explore strange new worlds; to seek out new content and new writers; to boldly go where only spam has gone before.

This Episode's Goals:

• To present 6 fresh Hubs by new writers in each of three categories: Books and Writing, Gender and Relationships, Religion and Beliefs.
• To encourage readers of any species to vote for a favorite in each category and to recognize the winners in the weekly HubPages Newsletter.
• To save the crew of the Hubbertise from demise promised by the HUB9000 megalomaniac computer and his snacks.

Stardate 04.16.2010; Commander ^Sci-PI (PI3.1417hub1417hub), presiding.

[Reference: The "other" Star Trek®.]

This may well turn into a Court Martial, because I...can't...take...much....more mishap and may not... be... responsible for my actions. A depravity - er - deprivation of air prevents a prognosis at this time.  Ship's Backup Binary Computer (Ship's BBC) has commenced recording proceedings as of this Hub Date, by my voice authorization using the Omega Code mayday sequence.

HUB9000 is going down.

************************************ 2:00 PM to 3:00 PM

The HUB9000 Narcissist model had corralled the crew in the galley for "snacks" once too often. We'd been forced to watch our first spaghetti western - that was twice too often for my tastes; and the spaghetti was gritty - truly gritty, but CDR Evilpants could see the face of John Wayne in his plate of pasta - apparently a Divine relic. The Hub9000 cut the air supply to increase the effects of the hallucination attached to the noodles. As Ensign HubNugget Hank passed out and Captain Anderson came to a selfless rescue of this platypusoid, the shipwide oxygen deprivation led ultimately to irritability and arguments instead of unconsciousness.

************************************ 3:00 PM to 4:00 PM

CDR Evilpants, Ensign HubNugget Hank, and the HUB9000 began arguing about how to list the Pasta Plate of the Passion on eBay. I was ready for a re-enactment of Amok Time.

During the disharmonious distraction, CDR Zsuzsy Bee dashed to her greenhouse lab to retrieve her latest production - time release 12-Hour O₂ Tablets. CDR Bee was able to conceal and carry a tablet to each of the individual bridge crew members as the others carried on the argument with HUB9000 in turn. But how to disable the abominable arguing automaton? (Control freak!)

*********************************** 4:00 PM to 5:00 PM

The UHP Hubbertise was in trouble...big trouble. A rescue was needed in deep space. Deep Space Nine was on hiatus...what to do? Fortunately, I'd installed a holo-tardis in one corner of the galley, cleverly marked with an "Out of Order" sign. Under cover of conflict, I entered the holo-tardis and called for help from all Quadrants.

Simultaneously, Spock and Spock Prime appeared in the holo-tardis. It was a conference call.

They beamed in a Vulcan thinking cap in answer to my summons for help. It instantly helped me to think of a solution to our quandary.

******************************** 5:00 PM to 6: 00 PM

To handle the HUB9000. we needed an overhaul of the BBC; in fact, an entire retrofit of programming.

I placed a holo-tardis call and beamed aboard a colleague, a veteran engineer of the jungle planet Nasat -- She is P8BlueTS27Q6, P8 Blue for short, Pattie for shorter. Some say she is a pillbug, others say just a pill.

She is a certified Teach-bug of Engineering and Nasat martial arts. P8 Blue's earth cousin is (warning - odd picture at link) Bathynomus giganteus - a dozen legs and a fierce-looking countenance under the sea. Pattie is fearsome enough and dexterous to a degree that she came equipped with a dozen reticulated spanners to apply them to HUB9000 in an aerial whipping of her helicopter-action legs.

She descended upon him quietly from the galley roof beams as he was hypnotized by potential eBay profits and the rest of the crew going "Ooooh and Ahhhh" at the negotiations. She hovered overhead like a UFO. He didn't notice the wind emanating from her martial technique until it was too late - she spun faster -- She dented him like a 1969 Volkswagen Bug gone off a cliff at the Grand Canyon. His metal skin keened like lobster shells shrieking apart in a pot of hot water.

He should have known not to argue with BT Merchantpants about eBay revenues; the Ferengi cannot match him. We put Hub9000 in the brig.

***************************** 6:00 PM to 6:59 PM

Lt. CDR Pattie is our new engineering authority, considering we have no engineers, all of them fried to a crisp by the HUB9000 movie system. The warp core is full of burnt spaghetti.

I considered Ensign Hank for the HubNuggets Corps of Engineers (HCE) training program, but he could not pass the placement protocols. Pattie can help in her capacity as Teach-bug. She is also an expert in movies of all Quadrants and program scheduling. Regardless, Pattie will oversee the refit from Engineering - when we have the time; but for the time being, the BBC is in good hands.

Why was the Elbonian-manufactured HUB9000 so easy to defeat, you ask? Well, as all good engineers know –

If it's not Scottish, it's cr@p!

********************************** 7:00 PM

Please meet the Bridge Crew of the Hubbertise, some innocent bystanders, and the personnel of Hub Fleet Command. In my oxygen-deprived state, I somehow assigned them nicknames in order to remember my colleagues.

Captain Shirley Anderson has been awarded the Hub Fleet Citation of Crispiest Nuggets in recognition of her ongoing delivery of top rate HubNugget Wannabe Hubs to the content-starved galaxy without fail.

Skipper has surpassed the US Postal Service in going beyond the elements of weather to brave warp core breaches, time warp snitches, and alien attack itches.

The citation will hang on the bulkhead beside the ship's motto, "Leave No Ale Behind®."

[Do read the Skipper's manual on HubNuggets Preparation and Success.It's led to a great number of encouraging results.]

Commander B.T. Evilpants has been recognized by the Asian and Australopethican Ale (AAA) Fancier's Guild for his longitudinal study: Spiritous and byproduct contents of blue- spectrum liquors and malt beverages.

To show his appreciation, Mr. Bubblepants has written his own song for the occasion, The Curacao-Romulao Spiritual Blues. it appears to be playing in his home movie - I mean - documentary video to the right.

Security Chief Commander Zsuzsy Beebecame very busy and productive in her off-watch hours. Buzzing here, there, and everywhere with excitement, she has, in fact, installed a successful hydroponics operation in the discarded former holodeck on Level 14-Amidships.

Word has it that B.T. Kangaroopockets has constructed a Curacao still somewhere in the vast jungle-like vegetation. We can smell the Curacao cooking, but we can't see it. Some sort of invisibility cloak, no doubt.

We will send in a drone investigator to find the still and record its findings. No doubt, Ensign Hank will wish to help in classifying the results. Miss Bee's new yeoman, Janice Hen, will help with that task. We may loose them to Bar Fleet.

Ship's Historian Commander RedElf has just created a memoir of the first year of voyages of the Good Ship Hubbertise. This crimson cat-elf recycled a bulkhead and several containers of space paint preparatory to the upcoming refit and recorded the memoir as a mural. It looks a bit like Guernica, but then lack of oxygen backed by bad programming can do that to you. A progress report of her next mural is provided in the holo-vid to the right.

Ensign HubNugget Hank attended Klingon classes valiantly until the end, but it didn't all quite connect up for him. Perhaps that is a good reason to advise that HubNugget Fleet keep Teach-bug P8 Blue on as ship's Chief Engineer. Please watch Hank's final exam holovideo to the right and applaud just a little for the chap. He did try his hardest.

HubNugget Fleet Admiral Jason Menayan and Commander Maddie Ruud monitor the progress of the Hubertise Bridge Crew as they search and select high-quality content of 18 HubNugget Wannabes every week. They are our two lifelines.

Ripplemaker operates a fleet of vehicles from which she chooses the proper mode of transport each week for greeting all of the new HubNugget Wannabe nominees, congratulating them and offering encouragement.

She also communes with the local lifeforms and creates joy in each world we meet.

There's always something new to do or see at HubPages. My group, the HubNuggets Team, works to bring you some fun each week and encourages you to read and write if that's your goal. Other groups are much fun as well.

If you would like to join Hubpages, it takes just a minute and its FREE, so click here and join the fun and fortune. in this unique galaxy of friends.

See you around the galaxy! (Gillian, in ST:The Voyage Home.)