Gal Noir and the Strange Case of Ping In Heels

The State Government of Minnesota had come grinding to a squeaking halt, penniless. From her office on the 12th floor of the Acme Building, Gal Noir, Private Eye was on the case in a city that knows how to keep its secrets .

Since the state government could not pay off their contracts with Noir, she decided to do a radio show from her office and call it A Prairie Home Conundrum.

She already had sponsors - Coffee, Streudel, and that old standby from radio broadcasting, Jell-O. Perhaps this show would draw some new clients - clients with money. But for now, her ongoing HubNuggets Read and Vote case was the current highlight of her career as a private eye. She'd include the HubNuggets Wannabes in the show...

Her friends from her circus job were on hiatus here in Minneapolis, speaking at the Circus Juventas Youth Performing Arts Circus, so they were available to help with the radio program.

Of course, Ladyjane1's evil twin, Lady Gaga, was still on the loose. There was a price on her head - a price that might help both Noir and Minnesota pay their bills.

Gal was making changes to the radio script as she heard heavy footsteps in the hallway...

[Sound of high heels clomping down the hall to Gal's office...]

Ping the Orphan Veterinarian - Gal Noir! I keep getting these notes from Lady Gaga attached to shoes thrown through my window! This one is from Social Security and it says that I cannot retire until I'm 88!

Gal - Lucky for you, the Federal Government is still in business! Social Security is down the hall to the right. Say, aren't those new shoes?

Ping - Yes, they came with the note from Gaga - and they fit! Thanks, Gal!

[Sound of high heels clomping down the hall the other way...]

It was nearing showtime, so Gal pulled out her desk microphone as the Sound Effects Man and tonight's girl commerical singers, Ladyjane1 and ripplemaker, arrived.

The crew opened up the double doors to the office and set up folding chairs in the waiting room and hallway as passersby entered and took seats.

The house lights went down, the spot came on, and the theme song began:

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Jell-O, everybody, Jell-O

Jell-O is the gelatin that satisfies your taste,

So Jell-O everybody, Jell-O!

Jell-O gelatin!

Gal: Jell-O everybody, I'm Gal Noir, asking the question, "Can a State over age 158 maintain its independence or must it go bankrupt and combine forces with its neighbor to the east? Say Folks, I think I hear the Java Express arriving with our sponsor, Coffee! Sing it, girls!

[Sounds of a train on tracks and an engine whistling…]

Hot, hot – Hot java!

Hot, hot, hot – We got it!

Hot, hot – Hot Coffee!

Just don’t ever let it get cold.

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[Sounds of an engine whistle and a train chugging into the distance…]

RedElf and Enelle Lamb graciously came out and served Coffee and Strudel to the audience members. They'd be entertaining us later.

RedElf: Wow!-Streusel needs no commercial – I think it sells itself.

Gal: While we're talking about food, let's meet the first six HubNuggets Wannabes from the HubPages College of Culinary Knowledge - experts in the field of Food and Cooking.

Gal: RedElf, weren't those six presentations great? And I noticed a few were about coffee! Are you ready to give us a song?

RedElf: I surely am! Here's a couple my Mom used to hear on her favorite radio shows when we were kittens.

[Enelle Lamb accompanies on the studio piano as RedElf performs two numbers:

• He Has Two Left Feet, But He Always Treats Me Right,

• I May Be Asleep On My Feet, But You're the Cat's Pajamas!]

Gal:That was beautiful, Kitties! Someone's going to call in and hire us, just to hear you two perform. Now Let's have Simone Smith in for a ballad. Come on out, Simone!

[A Phillip Morris Bellboy runs out with a telegram - 'Calling Gal Noir!']

Gal: What's this? [opens telegram] Let's see. Simone says that she is on the set of the new remake of How to Stuff a Wild Bikini, giving a costume workshop. OK, we'll miss you, Simone. Time for some editorial comments.

Friends, I hear that in a recent Minnesota election, the GOP disguised themselves as Democrats on the ticket and still didn't win. Then in Wisconsin, a young man could not get his "Voter's ID" because his bank account "did not show enough activity." Sounds like a real sideshow and if this circus thing takes off big, maybe we can hire both states!

Or, perhaps they'll just have to pool resources and merge. I hear they could call themselves Whinny-sota. That's a local Ojibwe term for "Horse Laugh"! ["LAUGH" signs blinks on for the audience] But look out for the mascot, new government leaders! --

Whole Crew and Audience: He eats like a horse!!

Gal: OK, let's have a song now from Enelle Lamb.

[Enelle sings the 'Lost Ballot Polka' as RedElf plays accordion.]

Gal: Wonderful, Enelle and RedElf! Thank you. Now folks, I must tell you that I am not a 'publican or a Democrat - I'm a Coffee-pendent. So drink up and tell your friends about our sponsors. Thanks! Let's have a look at our new HubPages Correspondents in the World of Work. Enjoy their advice and commentary below and don't forget to vote for your favorite!

Gal: What do you think of the nominated Hubs so far, Ladyjane1!

Laydyjane1: - Oh, they're all marvelous. it may be difficult to choose just one as a favorite.

Ripplemaker: I agree. I also want to say that it's fun to sing on the show, Gal Noir. it makes a good short break from the circus.

Gal: Folks, it's time for Jell-O! Hit it, ladies!

Jell-O, everybody, Jell-O

Jell-O is the gelatin that satisfies your taste,

So Jell-O everybody, Jell-O!

Jell-O gelatin! ... In 6 great new flavors: Quince, Kumquat, Kiwi, Crabapple, Currant, and Cantaloupe Melon.

Third Voice: AND CHOCOLATE!

Gal: What? Who is that?

Ripplemaker describes the scene to the audience:

The lights came up full and we all saw two Ladyjane1s on stage for an instant. The lights went dark and we heard commotion - screaming, paper rustling, high heels clomping, Jell-O wiggling! The lights came back up--

There by the microphone was a 12-inch high heel shoe with government notices stuck on it's spike - tax bills, property assessments, DMV renewals, draft notices, bills of lading...Had Lady Gaga become a hit and run Revenooer?

Gal: This certainly adds some excitment to our evening. Folks, enjoy the final 6 HubNuggets Wannabes' Hubs below from new HubPages World of Technology Gurus, and please vote for your favorite to save Minnesota and our show. Say, some of the technological articles below might help us catch Gaga and earn that reward money!

Join us next time for A Prairie Home Conundrum. And don't forget Coffee, Strudel, and Jell-O - with its standard and bootleg flavors.

Thanks, and good night from the 12th floor of the Acme Building and the circus we call life.

So Jell-O everybody, Jell-O!

Jell-O gelatin!

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